


Same Old Carol

by RoxySmith



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Christmas Presents, Christmas yet to come, Depressed!Reid, Inspired by A Christmas Carol, M/M, Scrooge!Hotch, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, christmas past, reid-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 10:23:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2847590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoxySmith/pseuds/RoxySmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some people will always make the same old mistake. Even if they have a book telling them exactly what they are doing wrong. Just like Scrooge, Profiler Aaron Hotchner will visit the past, present and future to see what a tragedy his choices in life is taking him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Same Old Carol

**Author's Note:**

  * For [makingitwork](https://archiveofourown.org/users/makingitwork/gifts).



> This fic is based on my favorite Christmas story of all times, A Christmas carol by Charles Dickens. I know this story has been done to death, but I wanted to do my spin on it. Even if the main character is Aaron, I think it’s pretty Reid-centric. So this is my Christmas treat to you all.

”Aaron, It’s Christmas Eve. You can finish it later. I could finish it for you if you like. Please just come home with me” Reid asked his husband who was working with one report. He didn’t even look up at the man who was talking to him. Hotch just shook his head.  
“No Reid, I can’t. This needs to be finished tonight” He said as he continued typing at his keyboard. It’s wasn’t even a year old, but it was still hard to see out the worn out letters.  
“We’re invited along with the rest of the team to JJ and Will’s Christmas dinner tomorrow, Remember? Will you be able to attend?” Reid Asked, much more formal this time. Hotch could hear how Reid was thinking, Sir and Mr. Hotchner.

“I doubt it… We’ll see” Hotch was quick to add. He knew the dinner meant a lot to his lover, and it would mean more too him if they could go as a couple. It would be the first time they would go as a couple. Even if they had been together for five years, and been married two of those years, They still hadn’t found the time to celebrate Christmas as a couple. Psychopaths didn’t give a damn about what day it was. It wasn’t like they hadn’t celebrated Christmas together, they had always found an evening to spend it with Jack. It just happened to never be at the 25:th… or 24:th for that matter.  
“Alright… Will I see you tonight? ”He looked up this time, and met the hazel brown eyes of his lover’s.  
“Spencer, I’m Sorry. I’ll be Home tomorrow Evening, I promise” He promised as he returned to his paper work. It was so much to be done. 

“Okay… Good night, Sir” This Time Hotch didn’t imagine it, Reid was clearly calling him sir. Spencer sounded so sad. He looked again up to say something to him, but was greeted with the sound of his office door closing. He saw Morgan asking Reid Something and Reid just shaking his head.

_‘At least Scrooge isn’t forcing me to work during Christmas Eve’_

He could see the doctor’s lips moving. Even if Both Morgan and Hotch saw Reid’s smile, Only Hotch recognized the sadness in his eyes. It was so easy to miss. If it weren’t for the fact that he spent all of his spare time with the younger man, he wouldn’t even notice it. 

Hotch was fast to leave it behind him. Spencer had a lot of friends here who wouldn’t let him spend Christmas day alone. They would make him and Jack happy. He was all alone at the office. It was fine by him. He preferred it that way. When his stomach growled, He finally decided it was time for some dinner. That meant some fast noodles he stored at the office when he worked late. It wasn’t the most Christmassy food, but it would do, He decided as he cooked the beef flavored noodles.  
Hotch doped his bowl of noodles when he turned around. He stared at the woman who sat on one of the chairs at the small table, facing him. It was impossible. She couldn’t be here.

“H-Haley?” He asked, not evening bothering to clean up the noodles. Either he was hallucinating his dead wife, or he should be really alarmed because a stranger had just broken in to the BAU. He couldn’t decide what sounded worse.  
“Hello Aaron. Nice to see you again” She said, smiling to the alarmed profiler. It was when Hotch calm down he could see that his dead wife was indeed dead. He could see right through her, and she was glowing. Haley was dressed in a white summer dress. It would be very transparent if it became wet.  
“You know I love beef noodles, I wish I could have some” She said longingly. “We used to eat them all the time when we’re in college. Amazing neither of us ever got sick of it”  
“What are you doing here? No how can you be here?” Hotch asked. It was great to see her again, but now he started to doubt his mental stability. It was kind of ironic. Spencer had been the one worried about developing schizophrenia and here he was having a psychotic breakdown. It was like life was laughing right in Spencer face, mocking him, telling him that all around him became crazy because of him.  
Haley smiled at him.

“I’m here because you’re losing the ones you love and I want to help you. I like Spencer, You know you had my blessing from the day you told me you started to see someone else. That’s why I want to help you guys. Tonight you’ll be visited by three ghosts. Please Aaron, listen to what they have to say. I’m sorry but I have to leave now. I love You, and tell Jack I Love him” She said as she gave him a warm hug. In the next second she was gone. Hotch stared at the empty space where his ex-wife had been for a while before he decided it was his tried mind that was playing him tricks. He really needed to take a quick nap after cleaning, that would clear his head.

***

Hotch woke up when he heard someone calling his name. He was about to go for his gun when he saw a familiar face.  
“Jason? Where the hell have you been? Did you even care about how Spencer took your disappearance?” He asked and was quick to sit up. He wanted to deliver a punch to the man who had cost his husband so much pain, but the better of him let it go. At least for now. The man would at least have the chance to speak before he sucker punched him.  
“Hello Aaron, You’re a really light sleeper. You should allow yourself some more rest. I forgot to introduce myself, I’m the ghost of Christmas past” Gideon said. Hotch couldn’t believe it. This must be a sick joke. This was all feeling a bit too much like, what was that Christmas novel Spencer had made a joke about earlier that evening? Didn’t they have that book at home? Maybe he should read it sometime. He finally decided to play along with this sick joke.  
“Then why do you look like my ex colleague?” Hotch finally asked.

“We always take the shape of someone you know and since I’m the ghost of Christmas past, I found it fitting to take the shape of someone from your past. Now come one, we don’t have the whole night” He sighed at that. He wanted to go back to sleep, but something told him Gideon, or the ghost of Christmas past would let that happened.  
“I may not have an eidetic memory, but I remember my past pretty clear, it was crap. Thank you and goodbye” Hotch said and was about to go back to sleep.  
“We’re not talking about your past” That got the dark haired man interested. Who’s past were they talking about? The Ghost of Christmas gave him a smile as he held out a pouch. He threw some golden sparkle at Hotch’s office door.

“Come on” Gideon said and stepped through the door after Hotch. A bright light blinded the profiler and when he finally could open his eyes, he wasn’t in the BAU anymore. He was in a house. A house he had only seen in some pictures. It was the house Spencer Reid had grown up in. 

“I don’t think I should be watching this. It is my Husbands private life” Hotch said but Gideon just waved it away.  
“Stop it with the excuses already and look around you” Hotch did as the ghost said. He looked around him in the normally decorated house. It wasn’t anything special about it. He didn’t even react much about it until he looked outside the window and saw how the other houses were beautifully decorated with lights and flowers, while the Reid House hold were just empty. 

“Why didn’t they decorate?” Hotch asked but became quiet when he saw a little Spencer, about ten years old, opening the bathroom door and was helping his mom out from the bathroom. Her hair where wet which meant she had just been taking a bath.  
“He was always too busy taking care of his mom to even have time to think about Christmas” The ghost explained.  
“Was all his Christmases like this?” The ghost nodded.

“Mostly yes” He said and snapped his fingers. The room became bright, but not as bright as before. He saw the season changing, and saw how Reid took care of his mom. It stopped one Christmas when Spencer was sixteen. He was talking in a phone.

“Please, you can’t do this to her. To me! I don’t want to go away, I can do this. She is stable. She would never hurt me” The teenaged Reid was pleading to the phone. The poor guy was all alone during that Christmas. Even if Hotch knew it ended well, Spencer never went to foster care and he got his mom back, It still was painful to watch. This was something Hotch never had talked about with Spencer. A Christmas alone was not what he wanted. 

The ghost snapped his fingers again and this time, they were at the house he shared with Spencer. Spencer sitting alone at the couch reading a book. A book he knew his lover bought the last week.  
“I thought you were the ghost of the past?” Hotch asked confused.  
“Oh, but this is the past, this is four days ago, it still counts as the past” Gideon said. The phone rang and Spencer slowly walked to the phone to answer it.

“Doctor Reid. Hi JJ, I didn’t realized it was you. Sorry, it’s an old phone. What? This Christmas? The whole team? Are you sure? Thank you. But Jack? Is it really okay? I’ll talk to Aaron” Spencer said but stared to laugh. “Unlike Scrooge Hotch actually like Christmas… I think. JJ, Thank you”

Spencer’s eyes were watery. He seemed so happy. The invitation meant more to Reid than JJ realized. It was only moments after they heard the sound of the door unlocking.  
“It must be Aaron. Bye see you tomorrow!” Spencer was quick to greet Aaron at the door. It was really weird for Hotch to see himself at the doorstep to his own house, and his husband kissing the other Aaron. He was a bit jealous. Aaron looked tried. Gideon was right, he should sleep more. He almost looked as bad as his lover when he was using.

“Aaron, JJ Invited us to her Christmas dinner. The whole team will be there” His lover sounded so excited about it. Hotch remembered everything he had said, and it hurt him.  
“I’m busy, we can talk more about this later. Is Jack sleeping?” He sounded so cold, so heartless. So Scrooge like. He clearly flat out ignored Spencer’s feelings, and now when he was clear in the head, he could see how hard Spencer had taken it. He didn’t say anything about it though. 

They should talk more he then decided. There was so much Spencer never told him and it was much he had never told Spencer. Communication. That was what this relationship lacked in. 

***

“Spencer?” Hotch asked as he jolted awake. He was staring at the face of Emily Prentiss.  
“Nope, Ghost of Christmas present” She said. “Get up, so much to see so little time. Damn Past took some of my time!”

Hotch didn’t protest as much as he left his comfy couch. He then stopped and looked at Emily’s outfit. She was dressed in an ice blue dress, and a messy ponytail.  
“What are you wearing?” He asked, not really used to see her in anything else than the office cloth.  
“Oh this? This is from that popular music video Let it go, I’m dressed like the snow queen Elsa. And since I’m the Ghost of Christmas Present I always present myself in the latest fashion” It was all alien to Hotch’s ears, but snow queen. That sounded like something Prentiss would like to wear. It was still weird but thinking about what he had seen being up to date, her wardrobe could have been a lot worse. He decided to just imagine her in the cloth he was used to. A red Shirt and her suit.  
“Are you ready?” She asked. When Hotch nodded she threw the dust at the door. “After you” 

Hotch was blinded again by the bright light. It took some time again to see, but he was in his apartment again. He had been planning on Morgan spending some time with Reid, but his husband was all alone in the apartment. Jack was probably sleeping, it was really late. Spencer wasn’t reading. He was just starring out in the darkness, watching the snowflakes falling to the ground. It was too dark, no lights, no candles. It was also too quiet. Normally when they celebrated Christmas (someday after Christmas day) with candles in the living room, Christmas lights all over the house and listening to all the Christmas classics. This was nothing like a Christmas Eve should look like. He should be there, playing with Jack, and then when the child gone to sleep, having some alone grown up time with Spencer.

“aww, this is just too sad, to bad his husband isn’t here to comfort him” Prentiss said exactly what he had been thinking. The ghost was right, what the hell was he doing sleeping on a couch when Spencer and Jack were home. It was just some stupid papers. 

Reid moaned in pain as Jack turned on the lights in the room and was quick to cover his eyes from the light. His headaches were back, and it was causing him more trouble than he let on. How couldn’t he notice that, it must have been so obvious. It was worse than before, since he was sinking down to his knees. He couldn’t even stand up, the pain were too much.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt. I’m so sorry, please forgive my uncle Spence” Jack said and was quick to turn off the light. He ran to the kneeling form of a grownup, carefully watching if Spencer was okay. Spencer had always been so careful to not let on how much it hurt him when Jack turned on light, just because he didn’t want Jack to think it was his fault whenever he was in pain.  
“It’s okay. My head just hurt. Come here” Spencer said and held out his arms to comfort the crying boy. Even if they boy called Spencer uncle, the boy still saw the doctor as a parent and Reid clearly saw the boy as his son. It was warming Hotch heart. He was just half listening to Prentiss making a Grinch joke. Watching his Husband and son was far more appealing than some ghost’s pop culture joke. He followed them without hesitating.  
“Is daddy coming home tonight?” Jack asked as Spencer was pulling up the covers over the young boy. Spencer looked sad again.  
“I don’t know” He answered honesty. “But I’m sure he’ll try to be here”  
“Uncle Spencer?”  
“Yes?”  
“Why are you sad? Doesn’t you like daddy anymore?” Damn, Kids was the best profilers in the world. He could see the brunette thinking the same thing.  
“Jack. I love your daddy very much. So much it’s hurts” He explained. “Do you want me to stay?”

Spencer was clearly still in pain, but was trying his best to be as good as he could be too his stepson. Jack, who noticed Spencer’s pain, shook his head. The doctor just kissed the kid as he left the room. He was holding his head tightly as he was slowly sinking to the ground. He was shaking because the pain. He was in so much pain he wouldn’t even be able to notice Hotch, even if he could see him.

“Will he be okay? What will happen to him” Prentiss was quiet, like she didn’t want to answer.

“Answer me god dammit” Hotch said as he grabbed the ghost and shook her. He was surprised that he could touch her, but he didn’t want to know how he could do it right now. Reid was far more important than logic.

“I can’t answer you that, It’s not my area” She said, but was clearly hiding something. Hotch knew he couldn’t push it further, even if his inner voice told him to fight until he knew the answer. He saw her fade away as he himself fell into a dream about how he was trying to ask Reid what was wrong, but every time he tries, an unsub or work interrupts. 

***

Hotch was in full panic when he woke up by a really cold feeling. He was sweating, his tie suddenly felt too small. He was staring at a cloaked figure. It was hard to decide if it was a male or a female. All he could see was a mouth and a pair of hands. The figure was pale. Something that looked disturbingly like blood ran from its chin. 

It didn’t say anything to Hotch. This was the ghost of Christmas yet to come, it didn’t need an introduction. It didn’t speak, it waved a hand to Hotch to follow. This Ghost didn’t use sparkle as the others. They just walked through the door. It wasn’t bright, he just felt, sad and empty. 

Hocth was very confused when he was still in his office, but they weren’t alone. Reid was there, and another Aaron was sitting at his desk. Reid looked horrible. It didn’t look like he had been sleeping in ages. His hair was long, and it looked unwashed. It was like he was using again. Aaron didn’t look as horrible, but he was too deep in to his work to even look at his husband. Why couldn’t Aaron just look, then he would see how bad Spencer was feeling.

Reid was holding an envelope. He was shaking and unsure what to say.  
“A-Aaron” He said with a very weak voice. It was so different to hear compare to his normal enthusiastic Reid-knows-it-all voice. I sounded important but Aaron just waved it away. Hotch could just stare how his cold like future was ignoring his husband. He wondered when the last time they kissed was. Aaron wasn’t even looking him in the eyes. 

“Not now Reid. Go home I need to be alone, this work won’t do itself” Aaron said to him as he was writing something at a piece of paper. How the hell could a piece of paper be more important than Spencer?  
“But we really need to speak. I was at the hospital today” Reid stared as he slowly was opening the envelope. He laid it at the table, but Aaron was still not looking at his husband or the paper.  
“Look at him!” Hotch screamed knowing he couldn’t be heard. “He’s trying to tell you something! He’s not well”  
“I’ll look into it later” Aaron said but Reid was just looking down the floor.  
“It’s Christmas… Will you be home?” The answer stung Reid’s heart as much as it stung Hotch’s.  
“No” What surprised Hotch was that Reid wasn’t even looking sad anymore. He just seemed empty. 

“Good bye Hotch. I love you” It didn’t sound real. Like someone who was saying it over and over again to sound normal when in reality he had lost all his feelings. Morgan and JJ just looked after Reid as he passed them. They clearly had no idea what to say or do at the moment. 

“See you tomorrow” Aaron answered before the office door closed. Hotch couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to see what Spencer so desperately tried to say, but Hotch didn’t even bother to listen too. He saw the paper. He needed to read it at least three times to understand what it was saying. Spencer was positive for schizophrenia. It felt like a truck hitting him at full speed. He was screaming at his future to look at the paper and go home to Reid, but of course it didn’t happen.

 

The Ghost just waved at Hotch to make him follow. He obeyed, afraid of what he was going to see next. They were home. A twelve year old Jack was reading at the table while Reid was making him some mac n’ cheese.

“Is Dad coming home?” Jack asked. His son wasn’t even calling him daddy anymore. He was clearly not only loosing contact with Reid, he was losing his son too.  
“I called Jessica. I asked her to pick you up” Reid said. He didn’t even try to sound happy as he talked to the boy. Jack looked up, clearly hurt.  
“Spencer, I want to spend Christmas with you” Reid didn’t say anything more. Despite how much Jack begged him. It wasn’t long until the doorbell rang and Reid opened it.

“Wow Reid, You really should take some time off with Hotch. You both need it. I think Jack would love a family trip to somewhere warm” The doctor didn’t answer. Jessica didn’t know what to say.  
“Are you sure you’ll be okay? We can stay here so you won’t be alone. I know how much Aaron works sometimes. It’s like he’s having an affair with his work” Reid shook his head.  
“I’ll be fine. Aaron promised he would be home” Reid didn’t even try to smile. He just said whatever the woman wanted to hear. She nodded.

“Well, take care, I’ll come back with him before New Year’s Eve” Reid nodded and closed the door. He waited until he heard the sound of the car leaving before he went up to the bedroom he shared with Aaron. The cloaked figure went after and Hotch had no choice but to hurry after them.

“Ghost, I think I understand. Please take me home” Hotch said but the cloaked figure just shook his head and pointed at Reid. He turned back unsure what he was going to see. 

Reid took of his golden ring and laid it down at the night table belong to Aaron in front of a picture of them and Jack during their wedding night. Hotch was hoping he would see Reid start packing but the broken man just opened the nightstand drawer. 

“I don’t want to see, please” He was begging, just like his son, but the ghost just pointed at Reid again. Hotch saw Reid taking Hotch gun in his hand. He didn’t even hesitate. He made sure it was loaded before he placed the gun against his own head. He pulled the trigger before Hotch could react. Reid fell down, at Hotch’s side of the bed. Everything about his behavior was screaming to get Aaron’s attention. He knew the plea he saw today was his last hope that Aaron would see that something was wrong. Reid didn’t have to die that day. All his future self needed to do was just to look at him, and talk with him. 

He fell to his knees, the scene made him sick. He was used to suicides, But Reid’s was something he didn’t want to see. He didn’t know when the scene changed, but he was sitting in front of Spencer’s tombstone. He had seen all their friends leave flowers. No one talked to Aaron. Aaron just stood there, until he turned around and walked to his car. 

**Spencer Reid  
October 8, 1981 - December 24, 2017  
Beloved Husband & Dear Friend **

 

Hotch and the Ghost was the only one left. He was crying for Reid. He never wanted it to end like that. He was mad at his future to not notice that his husband was suicidal. He didn’t want it to end like that. 

He turned to the cloaked figure to ask him if there was a way to him to prevent what had happened. He watched him with tears in his eyes as the figure lowered its hood. He was staring at Spencer Reid. A dead Spencer Reid with a bullet through his head.  
“You killed me Aaron” The Ghost whispered with the weak voice he never wanted Spencer to talk in again. Of course he blamed him, it was clear that everyone saw Spencer’s suicide as his fault. He knew Jack would see it as his fault when he was old enough. He deserved it. He deserved all of it.  
“You made me do it” Spencer said. He didn’t show any emotions. Spencer had been dead a long time, all he did was just to kill his body.  
“I’m sorry. I don’t want you to do it. I’m so sorry. I love you” He said to Reid and was holding him close to him. He doubt Aaron had held him in ages. Reid felt cold, just like he knew dead humans felt to the touch.  
“Sorry won’t bring me back” Reid said, as emotionless as ever. He didn’t even seem to notice that his ‘husband’ was holding him. It was like Hotch wasn’t eve there in Reid’s world.  
“I know but I don’t want this future. I want a future with you. Even if you’re sick. In sickness and in health, do you remember?” He asked and held his wedding ring.  
“Actions might” he continued his speech as Hotch wasn’t even there. Hotch was shaking his dead husband to get his attention. 

“Please, I’ll do anything. I won’t ignore you like that I promise. Please just give me a chance to change this. I don’t want to lose you like that. Give me a chance… Give me a chance! GIVE ME A CHANCE!”  
***

“Give me a Chance!” Hotch screamed as he woke up on his couch. He was panting as, still shaken after what he had witnessed. He didn’t know if it really had happened or if it was just a nightmare. It didn’t matter, it was too close to what might happen if he stared distance himself from Spencer. He would never allow it to happen. He swore on never letting Spencer commit Suicide again. This time he was ready for it, and would react if he saw something in Spencer behavior that pointed that way. Even if it was just a small thing. He ran up from the couch and grabbed a cleaner who had the misfortune to work at Christmas day.

“Which day is it?” He asked, giving the cleaner the creeps. He had seen this man before, he looked like a grumpy person who he really wanted nothing to do with.  
“Christmas day?” Hotch hugged him.  
“Merry Christmas to you” He said as he ran away, leaving a very confused cleaner after him. Okay so maybe he misjudged the profiler, the cleaner made a mental note to himself.

 

Spencer was making his morning coffee when the door opened and a very happy Hotch entered the room. He smiled at his lover and was surprised when Hotch grabbed his him and bend him over the kitchen table as he kissed him. Spencer was really confused but kissed hungrily back.  
“I thought you’ll be working” He said as they took a paus from the kissing. He was opening Hotch shirt, clearly wanting him then and there.  
“I thought spending time with you and Jack was more important than some papers” Hotch answered as he was ripping open Spencer’s bathrobe. His husband was always so irresistible in the mornings. “I’m so sorry about yesterday. I was so self-centered. Can you forgive me?”  
“Of course I can, I love you” Spencer said with a soft smile as he was working on Hotch’s pants. He didn’t like when he was practical naked and Hotch still had his pants on.  
“You will tell me if something is bothering you, right?” Spencer nodded. It looked like he was thinking for a while, like he wanted to tell Hotch something.

“We need to talk, but not now. Right now I want you to fuck be hard against the counter, And you will do it good since you left me all alone yesterday. I was thinking about letting Morgan fuck me” He said knowing well how the alpha would react he understood that he got competition. They both knew Reid wasn’t even thinking of Morgan in a sexual way, but he loved to play with his husband’s feral instinct. Every time he so much as said Morgan’s name, Hotch would always pound him harder to show him who the alpha male were. “Later, I want us to go to JJ’s Christmas dinner, And then I want you to fuck me so hard that someone is bound to notice what you’re doing to me”

Hotch licked his lips. Reid’s knew exactly what to say or do to turn him on. It was so hot when Spencer played with his Alpha side. How cloud he even dream about working and missing all this. He was sure he would have a good life with Spencer. Maybe not healthy, but happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, and merry Christmas


End file.
